Im lonely. Im always lonely. The one person I want, the one person that can fulfill that need is my husband and he doesn't understand. I dont want side pieces to keep me busy. I dont want him giving efforts to other girls. I see him smiling at his phone, enjoying other girls. I want that from him. I want all the d### effort and affection. I crave it all day every day. He doesn't give it to me. Half the night I sleep alone. I wake up alone. After kids go to bed I sit alone. He sits on the other couch. He sits inside while I sit elsewhere caring for the kids. I always feel alone. Kids don't fulfill that need. Side pieces don't fill the need the same way. Sometimes I think the side piece cares more than my husband. Side piece tells me he misses me, he wants to see me, he wants to show me affection. He want to take me places and show me things, he wants to flaunt me. Husband doesn't seem to care. He doesn't want to go out and do anything. He doesn't want to take control and arrange a special time/dinner or walk. He could if he wanted. He doesn't doing those romantic things that make me feel wanted. I don't feel like he is my teammate. I have to ask him to change a diaper, get the kids a drink, pick up the house some. I just have wants and needs. I feel like I'm his Mom. I want to feel loved and wanted and appreciated. I think I just break my heart over and over tricking it into think I can survive this marriage. I dont know what to do. I don't want to call it quits but I dont want to be heart broken over and over and over. No matter how much I tell him these things he doesn't not understand. I have him and our two kids. I don't have anyone else. My family doesn't live here. I don't have friends. He is all I have and he makes me feel alone. 😭 😭 I want to go die but I can't because of my kids.