Is it crazy? Or am I?
Staring into the nothingness as I remember what it felt like. The anger I always carry with me now feels a lot lighter.
is it the sun? Burning away the ice that grew ever since august.
I like to think that no matter what season it is, I’ll always be sick. But lately sick isn’t what it used to be. Am I different?
The anger is still in me, I feel it, but the anger is overturned by chaos. My head looks like a thread being thrown around a room. It changes colors constantly and just when you think you can unravel it, the mess gets bigger.
Overtime you learn to live in the mess. Untie a few knots, paint over some colors.
Even in a tornado there’s calmth. The difference between me and the tornado is that eventually, the tornado will die down. The chaos will be over.
But I don’t think I will ever stop spinning.
I look into the nothingness and I feel everything and nothing at the same time. I think about a million things and yet there’s always one thing in my mind.
So I close my eyes and let it happen, the music takes over my mind and even if it is for a second, I feel everything. I let it hit me, and it’s okay. The sun takes over and I can breathe again.
Sometimes it’s okay, and sometimes it’s everything.