i’ve been friends with these two—let’s just call them A (the girl) and B (the guy). they were together in grade 7, broke up, and then i kinda helped them reconnect in grade 8. by grade 9, they were back together again. i was there through everything—like actually there. emotionally invested but never interfering. like i genuinely just wanted them to be okay, yk?
then fast forward to 10th grade, during the summer break, they broke up. no big drama, no announcements, no explanations. they just… weren’t together anymore. i didn’t reach out ‘cause i knew breakups are sensitive and people need space. i waited. and waited. no messages from A. not even a “hey.” we went from talking everyday to complete silence. and me? i just played it cool. i didn’t want to push her. figured she'd talk when she’s ready.
but here's the twist—i was still playing games with B and C. not anything flirty or weird, just games. we’re part of a trio with another guy let's call him C, and the both of them are like my platonic brother. so it’s always been a chill dynamic. even during A and B’s relationship, i stayed back. i even told myself “okay girl, don’t be too close, don’t be too visible, just be there when they are comfortable.”
i helped plan things for her birthday. like i LITERALLY helped him give her flowers and do the surprise thing because he was flying out the next day. i remember holding the freaking bouquet and thinking “aw this is so cute, she’ll be happy.” i did that. for them.
so imagine how gut-punching it was to find out—like just recently—that I was one of the reasons they broke up. me. apparently, A said B spent too much time playing with me. and that i should’ve known my boundaries.
do you know how fcking careful i’ve been? like i distanced myself so hard, i didn’t flirt, didn’t overstep, didn’t do anything shady. i wasn’t even into B. it’s actually kinda funny ‘cause the only person i still lowkey have feelings for is his cousin—aka my ex from two years ago, back in 7th grade. we were a dumb little couple for two weeks and broke up, and now after all this time, boom, i realized i never fully got over him. so B? i literally never had feelings for.
anyway, back to A. the fact that she never told me anything? that hurt. we were so close. like if she felt something, she could’ve come to me, right? i would’ve listened. we could’ve talked. she didn’t even have to sugarcoat it, i’m chill with honesty. but nah. she just held it in, decided i was the problem, and made me the bad guy to her family without even giving me a chance to explain myself. and i feel betrayed, not gonna lie. like d###, i was rooting for y’all. i stayed in my lane. i helped. and now suddenly i’m the bad guy?? like i was never even driving this thing but i still crashed into the fallout.
what makes it worse is that i tried to pull away when i found out earlier. like emotionally, mentally, i started shutting off. and B noticed. i soft-blocked B and C until B actually reached out. asked if something was wrong. and i couldn’t lie so i told him the truth. he apologized. but get this—I apologized first. like out of instinct. like i’m just so used to blaming myself even when i don’t even know what i did wrong. and now we’re cool again. we’re good. but with A? nothing. i’m still waiting for her. and yeah, i don’t hate her. not at all. i understand why she might’ve felt insecure or upset or whatever. i know how it feels to be scared of losing someone and blaming everything you can to make it make sense. but at the same time? i’m tired of always being the one who has to wait. the one who has to risk again. the one who stays soft and understanding and patient while the other person walks away like i never mattered. i miss her. not gonna lie. she was my ride or die. but right now? it feels like my ride hit me and sped off. and all i wanted was for someone—anyone—to just see that my intentions have always been real. if i didn’t like someone, i’d say it. i don’t fake things. i’m not the kind to pretend or play games like that. but here i am. left with all this guilt for something i never meant to be a part of. it’s just. exhausting. and kinda lonely. but i'll keep learning from all this though. i always do :)

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