ModernProm
Ever since I met that one friend I’ve gotten a lot worse mentally. I think it’s due to me mirroring them, becoming overly attached, and getting used to that intensity when I was their FP. I liked it. I liked them constantly thinking about me and interacting with me and I miss that, even if things are HEALTHIER now. I’m way too overly attached and don’t know how to stop and I’ve noticed I’m starting to become overly attached to some other people like it’s my brain’s way of coping.
I have a “crush” on two friends but I’m very hesitant to do anything about it both due to general anxiety and a fear that I don’t truly love them but rather the idea of them and therefore our relationship would be unhealthy. But I really, really wanna date them both… they’re both polyamorous and dating each other so it’s technically POSSIBLE and could be really fun it’s just. I fear things will be unhealthy. Sigh. Got a more advanced therapy session this Friday. Hopefully they’ll get me set up with EDMR or something.
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@ModernProm
Sent too early, f***. They helped me survive through s***** time so ig it’s imprinted on my brain that codependency is a good thing that helps us survive when it is not actually. Hhhhhhhhh
@ModernProm
I wonder if this is a C-PTSD thing? My last therapist suggested it was an autism thing of me basically hyper fixating over a person but I’m not entirely sure that’s the case? Idk. I’ve always struggled with unhealthy attachments and often it’s not even me obsessing over a person themself but the idea of being dependent over them and that intensity that comes with it. I’m so desperate to feel wanted and needed that my brain things the only way I can truly get it is if I’m in a codependent relationship. Doesn’t help I’ve been in codependent relationships before and honestly they helped me
@ModernProm
It’s just hard to see myself ever being in a healthy romantic relationship, tbh. I have enough trouble maintaining healthy friendships as is. I ALWAYS want things to be more intense. I WANT to be emotionally dependent on someone and have them be emotionally dependent on me. I LIKE that intensity. I know that’s deeply unhealthy but I don’t know how to stop craving it.