i was 16. just a f##### kid. he was older. stronger. smiling like he wasn’t about to ruin my whole f##### life.
no one believed me. not really. they said all the right things out loud, but behind their eyes... doubt. judgment. like maybe it was my fault. like maybe i led him on or some other bullshit.
i didn’t. i froze. my body shut down. i remember the ceiling. i remember the smell of his cologne. i remember my own heartbeat in my ears like it was tryin to drown out what was happenin to me.
i’m 35 now and it still follows me everywhere. like a stain i can’t scrub off. i laugh at jokes. i hold conversations. i tuck my kids in. but there’s always this... shadow. this ache in my f##### chest. like he’s still there. like i’m still that scared, silent girl.
i hate how people just moved on. he got to move on. i didn’t. i’m still stuck. therapy didn’t fix it. time didn’t fix it. nothin f##### fixed it.
and the shame... the shame’s like a ghost that sleeps next to me.
i didn’t ask for this. i didn’t deserve this. and i still feel broken as f###.