You know, I see a lot of people joke about being a girl failure. I joke about being one myself. But I think my life has crossed the line of being a teehee girl failure into an actual, potentially devastating problem.

My life has spiraled so far out of control that honestly i think it might be better for everyone if i just threw the whole thing away.

Every part of my life is honestly such a mess that I really don't know what to do anymore. my life was going okay when I was younger- I was set to be almost done with college when peers my age would be graduating highschool. I had (maybe have still?) a chance to have a content creation job.
But here I am, right now. A high school drop out, so I can't go to college. Working 70 hour weeks at a job i hate because ive been fired at every other place. Having severe anxiety about new people and things makes keeping a job anyone like me could get hard. My house is a f###### wreck. I have one semi clear walkway from my front door, to my bathroom, kitchen, and computer. Everything else is blocked from either trash bags, just actual trash, or boxes because i still havent finished unpacking after two years. Flies are everywhere, fleas are everywhere. Thank f### i pay a lot for a good preventative for my cats and dog. Means they feed on me, but whatever. I cant bomb the place, theres so much s### on the floor that they can just go hide in the neglected blanket pile. even as i type this, less than 6 inches from me, my desk thata currently held together with packing tape and a couple staples is covered in black mold. So is my mic, headset, and computer. The moisture from my evaporative cooler doesnt help probably, but my ac is broken and its 86 degrees in my house. i have a window ac in the one window that isnt completely jammed in its position (though the window almost fell out and is being held in with you guessed it, packing tape) but that barely cools the room enough to sleep in at night. During the day, good luck. I dont have heat either. Not a problem now but you can probably imagine what happened during winter. My daily meals consist of precut watermelon i get on the way home from work, and whatever i can find that hasnt melted in my car because my fridge, microwave and oven are so full of moldy long forgotten food. Probably not healthy but the alternative option is door dashing mcdonalds every night. And im already overweight. Asking my landlord for help will probably get me evicted and asking my mother for help will just result in being told to go to therapy. But the thought cleaning is enough rn to make me have a panic attack.
My health is in shambles too, i need about 36k in dental work, plus having pcos, and undiagnosed but pretty sure narcolepsy.