i keep f###### up my life over and over and i don’t even know why i do it. i get attached way too fast, way too deep and then i end up doing stupid s### just to feel like i matter to someone and it just blows up in my face every time. makes me feel smaller, emptier, like there’s nothing left of me.

yeah i got people around me, family, friends, whatever. but i still feel alone as h###. family doesn’t even feel like family. friends always drift off, act like everything’s fine while i’m falling apart. and then there’s me, stuck with me, and i hate the h### out of myself.

sometimes i think about just ending it, disappearing into nothing where none of this s### matters anymore. but life doesn’t work like that. guess we don’t get what we want.