I'm sick and tired of being a perfectionist, especially as an artist. I always work so slow and feel worthless if I don't make it the way it wants to be. I especially f###### hate when in art class I have to replicate some stupid s###. We're currently doing our hands holding an object of our choice, and my art teacher said that manufactured items have to look identical to the real thing. What's worse is that I brought 3 objects so ***I*** could choose which one I liked the most in the picture, but without f###### communicating, SHE F###### PICKED ONE FOR ME. AND IT WAS THE HARDEST ONE TOO (the object was an SMG3 Animatez if you're curious). WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT I MISSED 4 DAYS OF SCHOOL DUE TO BEING SICK, AND I'M BEHIND AS H###.
I feel f###### worthless because I can't draw it right. I f###### hate the feeling of failure, especially after last year in school (currently a Junior in high school BTW, so this is Sophomore year) where my mental health slipped to an all time low and I failed or almost failed a lot of my classes out of stress. H###, I almost committed LITERAL F###### SUICIDE and SH'd myself because of how bad it was. But guess what? MY SCHOOL BARELY F###### CARED. And any time I spoke out about how I felt, I was sent to the counselor's office where they'd basically do jack s### except pull me out of class to ask me about it, and then sweep it under the rug afterwards. Now due to that horrible a## year, my fear of failure has f###### spiked to its limit. I used to look forward to art class, but now I currently f###### dread it. I want to go ask my counselor about switching to a different class for now and then returning to Drawing and Painting 2 for semester 2. I know they're going to say no, so I'm trapped at this point. There's nowhere else for me to run or hide.

I want to give up. I want to drop out, but society won't let me. Without a high school diploma, I can't do what I want, which is eventually working for an indie studio as some kind of artist. I'm nothing without a high school diploma.
At this point, I just want to roll up and die.