feeling very dejected. had my heart broken badly last summer when my long term boyfriend cheated on me. early this year, i started seeing this guy R again who i'd dated before my cheating ex, and things seemed to be going really well, until he told me he "didnt think he could be a good boyfriend to me." he reassured me over and over it was all him and nothing i did or said, and almost seemed to regret it immediately after, cracking jokes about walking it back.

he still messages me every single day, supports my artwork, and invited me to one of his band's shows, because they had a food truck of something he remembered me mentioning as one of my favorite foods... he makes it seem like he still likes me, but obviously doesn't if he already directly said no, what choice do i have but to respect that?

just recently, i thought i was finally moving forward... an old friend of mine, M, reconnected and took me out on several dates. but once we hooked up on the most recent one, he's just completely ghosted me.... makes no effort to reach out anymore, couldn't give less of a s### about my art.


i don't understand what's wrong with me. why am i so unlovable? am i just an object, a conquest, why does nobody want to be companions and share intimacy beyond sex?