I WANT MOMMY I WANT MOMMY IM ACTUALLY GONNA KMS I WANT MOMMY :( UASHSSHAHSV I HATE MY LIFE OML WHERE MAMA

I feel like I’m second best at everything. No matter how hard I try, I’m never good enough. Im second in my grade; in crew, second best on the team; in dance, second choice for lead role; in band, second chair. I ran for office in all of my clubs and got nothing at all. I’ve battled with anorexia, depression, anxiety, and OCD for years because of how much I try and have a need to succeed. This is my senior year and it was my last time to see if my work was worth it. I haven’t felt emotion in yrs

my husband and I tried a new picking out what to eat, top chef style where I get five random ingredients to work with to create the meal. Great! Except he picks 3/5 ingredients to be stuff he knows I don't like. We went shopping together so I was like oh u know I don't rlly like fish, b4 he buys it, and he's like its a challenge I thought Anyways the dinner goes horrible at every turn bc I have no idea how to cook any of the stuff, and by the end im crying. dinner sucked, Im hungry n p#####

I'm depressed. I have no motivation in life. I literally don't see the point in doing better. I can't even die either. I don't want to die. I know how to get better but I just don't think it's worth anything. I'm not worth anything. I have no motivations, I don't know what I want to do in the future, I have no aspirations. Nothing. I just know this ain't living

I've been sending my older sister to work every single day while on my sem break. Of course there are some days I arrive late or can't send her. Today she said she's driving herself to work because she said I haven't been sending her to work ever since she got me a new phone 2 weeks ago. monday and tuesday was a holiday. I sent her on Wednesday. I was really sick on Thursday and Friday. What was I supposed to do? I had a fever! I think she's being unreasonable. I feel so unfair

Why the h### do people think it okay to NOT RESPOND BUT EXPECT YOU TO ITS SO ANNOYING AND I HATE MY FRIENDS FOR THIS REASON EVEN MY OWN FAMILY DOES THIS. IT SO BAD CAUSE ME TO RELAPSE INTO A THING I HAVEN'T DONE IN 3 YEARS.

i hate how everything feels fake now. like nothin’s real unless it’s posted or liked or reacted to. people don’t even talk anymore, they just wait for their turn to say somethin better or sound cool. it’s all flexing. all performin. i miss when you could just be without thinkin about how it looks. without wonderin who’s watchin or judgin or tryna outdo you. i’m sick of pretendin it doesn’t bug me. like i don’t see how fake it all is. people bein friends when it benefits them. checkin in just enough to not feel guilty. it’s shallow. it’s all just surface. i want somethin real. even if it’s messy or hard or uncomfortable. i just want real again.

I feel like I’m always the outsider. Always the one left out, talked over, or made fun of like it’s some joke I’m supposed to laugh at. They act close with each other, like theyve got this unbreakable bond and Im just… there. On the edge. Like a placeholder. Like I dont belong. When I try to speak up? I’mcalled sensitive. Or I get silence. Or worse, fake understanding that changes nothing.

It hurts. It really f###### hurts. I didnt ask for perfect sisters. I just wanted to feel like I mattered to them. But right now, it feels like I never really have.

I'm just kind of lurking the internet these days. I don't want to be perceived. I don't want to be something that can impact people's lives anymore. I haven't wanted to be remembered in a long, long time.

This is as close to a laughing emoji as possible, so it fits. I JUST again, submitted my unemployment claim and only searched superficially for the mandatory three jobs. Note it is only SEARCH, NOT taking interviews that could lead to a job offer which would then invalidate me from collecting money. Thank G## for intelligence, I'll tell ya! It is SOOO freeing at the moment to just spend less than an hour total, half job applying, rest unemployment instead of up to 8 F###### HOURS APPLYING!!!