I have to say, as I get older and now see suffering globally, especially lost/kidnapped animals and kids, much less people, I feel that I was extremely blessed and lucky. G## looked out for me then, and despite my suffering and Him directly intervening in my suicide where it wasn't successful and permanently prevented me from even thinking much less attempting anymore, He still does. Maybe he sees my end goal and it pleases Him. Hopefully I can fulfill His will and I can enjoy my freedom.....